What Pac-10 fan or recruit wouldn't want to visit here??

A story hit the AP wire today about the Pac-10 conference considering expansion. Commissioner Larry Scott said the "window is open" and they're giving serious thought to adding 2 new teams to the Pac-10. One report is suggesting that the teams they're giving careful consideration to include the Utah Utes and, brace yourself, the COLORADO BUFFALOES! That's right...my alma mater has a chance of joining the Pacific 10 Conference. This would be a dream come true for west coast Buff fans.

First of all, the Buffs have clearly slipped to the bottom of the Big 12 conference. On the gridiron, we routinely get our asses kicked by teams like Texas, Oklahoma, and Nebraska...and I don't even need to mention what happens when our hoops team squares off against the Jayhawks or the Cowboys of Stillwater. It's an absolute mismatch.

Moving to the Pac 10 would allow the Buffs to rebuild their programs by competing on a more even keel with the very mediocre schools from the Pac 10 Conference. After traveling to places like Austin, Norman, and Lincoln...the Buffs would welcome the site of the airstrip as their plane touches down in places like Pullman, Seattle, Tempe, and LA. The Buffs could win 5 games in conference in their first year in the Pac 10, a feat that they can't come close to in the brutal Big 12.

I may sound like a west coast homer, but there are many other reasons why I would support this move. First of all, we have a TERRIFIC fan base all over the west coast. When I was in school, 25% of the student body came from California, and there were thousands more from Arizona, Oregon, and Washington. Buffs fans live in places like SF and LA, and not in places like Oklahoma, Missouri, and Texas. You would see a huge increase in the fan base and alumni presence when the Buffs have road games in Palo Alto, Berkeley, Westwood. There are huge contingents of alumni in cities within driving distance of all the cities on the Pac-10 schedule, and this will be very apparent when the Buffs square off with the Cal Bears in September of this season. You don't see that happen at road games vs. Baylor.

From a recruiting standpoint, the move makes perfect sense. If you look at the Buffs roster, more than half of the players hail from either Colorado itself, or the states in the Pac-10 conference. We play against teams like Texas and Oklahoma, but we have absolutely no chance of recruiting there. Playing in the Pac-10 would allow Coach Hawk (or whoever replaces him) to recruit in our own backyard. We'd have road games on TV every weekend. These kids grow up watching USC, Oregon, and Cal...and now they're watching them play the Buffs! Get them on an official recruiting trip to Boulder, and it's a done deal. There isn't a campus in the Pac-1o that holds a candle to CU. Currently, over 60% of CU's out of state recruits come from states west of Colorado. Sure, we might lose a couple of players from Texas and Florida (we have like 4), but we'd vastly improve our presence in the West Coast recruiting game. These new recruits could enroll at the most beautiful campus in the country, play their home games at Folsom Field, and their families could still watch them play their road in places like Berkeley, Palo Alto, Tuscon, Eugene, and Southern California. From a recruiting standpoint, it just makes perfect sense.

Granted, there will be some fans east of Boulder who will be disappointed with the move, but the vast majority of Buff fans are out here on the left coast, and ultimately the move would be good for every Buff backer in the country. The Pac-10 would be well served adding the Buffs to their conference, and the addition of Utah will make it an even 12. That will allow the Pac-10 to have a Conference Championship game...and change the conference name to the Pac-12. Actually, come to think of it, make it the 12-Pack!

GO BUFFS!!!

Well, I've officially been stripped of my testicles. I've been a card-carrying member of the MALE GENDER for 33 years, but after this latest stunt, I've had my nuts revoked, been given a two-piece bathing suit, and initiated into my new sorority of sisterhood. How, you may ask? Well let me explain....

Bear is getting the VIP treatment this week.

My wife and I are headed to Lake Tahoe for the weekend, and the condo we're staying at doesn't allow pets. But rather than have our 2-year-old black Lab Bear tough it out at our empty house by himself all weekend, we will be checking Bear into a HOTEL FOR DOGS.

Yes, that's right. Not only will I be paying for a condo in Tahoe for my wife and I this weekend, but I'll also be paying for accomodations for my dog at a luxury dog kennel on River Road called the Oxton Kennels at Wild Things Resort & Spa. This fact alone would earn me an unpaid suspension for violating the Man Code, but it's the details that got me expelled from the gender permantly.

First off, at the insistence of my wife, we're renting our precious Bear an "Executive Suite" for the weekend. Some of the amenities of the Rin Tin Tin Suite include a 54 sq. foot suite complete with a plush bed, a television (which they keep tuned to Animal Planet), room service meals, a yappy hour (whatever the hell that is), and several professional walks each day. Oh, but it doesn't stop there. With a little extra charge, Bear will be treated to a private 15 minute "Belly Scratch" ($10), a Paw-di-Cure ($12), and a professional grooming. He'll be under round-the-clock care and a doggie attendent will be at the ready at all times.

But just in case that isn't enough to make my wife comfortable, fear not! For shelling out for the Executive Suite, we will be given a username and password that will enable us to log on and view the live webcam in Bear's room! Yes, that's right. From our condo in Tahoe we'll be able to log on to our laptop and watch our dog scratch and lick himself in the comfort of his doggie hotel room! Phew...now I think we can finally relax and have some fun! I can't wait to get done skiing and hurry back to the condo to watch our dog take a nap 300 miles away!

Now, I explained to the folks at the kennel that although we appreciate their efforts...Bear is used to the VIP treatment at home, so I'm going to need them to step it up a notch. For instance, although their policy is to leave the in-room TV on Animal Planet 24-hours a day, Bear happens to be more of an ESPN fan, so I'm going to need them to give him the remote. He prefers hi-def as well, so we've set him up with a 1080 pixel Vizio (his favorite).

The belly-rub is nice, but we've arranged for a full facial and massage package (of course I ponied up for the happy ending). As for the food, I've instructed the on-site chef that Bear likes his steak medium rare and he likes his potatoes twice-baked. The bed is nice, but a little small, and he prefers foam pillows to feather. We're having the linens flown in from a quilt maker in Switzerland.

He likes a glass of Scotch right before he hops in the sack. It will help him get in the mood for some female companionship. Like his Dad, Bear is a sucker for blondes, so I've got him set up with a conjugal visit from a slutty little Border Collie three kennels down from him. Rumor has it she likes it doggie style, and so does Bear. Of course, this encounter will all be recorded on the webcam, so Bear and I will be able to break down the film later and I can critique him on his form and stamina. He's growing up so fast.

I'll make sure and let you all how it goes when we get back. Thanks again for reading.

Allow me to introduce you to the #1 rated high school football prospect in the country. He hails from St. Paul, Minnesota, stands 6 foot 8, weighs 338 pounds, and has scholarship offers from the biggest and baddest schools in college football. From the looks of him, he could open a hole big enough for Oprah to run through, and could intimidate even the meanest of defensive lineman. He is virtually guaranteed to be a dominant force in the NFL in a few years, and be a symbol of what an NFL lineman is supposed to look like.

But there's one problem...his name is Seantrel. Yes, that's right. SHAWN-TRELLE. This behemoth of a man who is going to make a living hurting other people has a name that invokes visions of a cross-dresser on Bourbon street. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, out of the TWIN CITIES...Seantrel!" It's pretty clear that Seantrel's parents aren't cut from the same mold as say, Bubba Paris's folks.

Speaking of large Africans...I'm sure by now you've heard about the pictures of Greg Oden that have surfaced on the Internet. Big O decided to send a picture of himself, naked, to a girl he was trying to bang. Now the photo has inevitably reached the web, and we're all welcome to take a peak at the flacid piece owned by a man who stand 7 feet tall. It's no shock to anyone that Oden is hung like Seabiscuit, but what is surprising to some people is that he would take a photo like this of himself. Me...I'm not surprised by that part. What surprises me is that, judging by his career thus far, he doesn't possess a 24 inch gash between his legs. Hey Greg...why don't you spend more time in the training room and less time taking pictures of whatever you call that thing between your legs?

The Super Bowl Hype Machine is in full swing, and I for one, am already SICK OF IT. I realize that Peyton Manning is from New Orleans, and his cocksucker for a Dad played for the Saints when they used to get beat like Brett Myers wife, but enough already! The game is in Miami, not New Orleans. This is more of a homecoming for REGGIE WAYNE (former Miami Hurricane) than it is for Peyton Manning. I'm willing to bet that CBS has about 8 hours of pre-game coverage devoted to the Manning back story, and I won't watch 2 seconds of it. I'd rather watch re-runs of Jersey Shores than see another clip of Archie tossing the pigskin around with Peyton, Eli, and Cooper.

That's all for today. Thanks for reading.

Well, where better to get started than with TIGER WOODS?? Now you've all heard many versions of this one, but let me tell you what really happened. Tiger and Elin have the family over for Thanksgiving. They drink some wine, eat food prepared by hired chefs, and generally have a decent time. Tiger gets into the vino a little heavy and heads upstairs to to do some sexting with one of his mistresses. Eventually, he passes out on the bed in shorts and a t-shirt. Meanwhile, Elin...having been suspicious for some time, creeps upstairs and decides to take a look in his cell phone. Needless to say, she finds more than enough evidence to confirm her suspicions, and she starts beating the shit out of Tiger while he slept. He wakes up to find his ENRAGED wife and scrambles to get the hell out of there. He grabs his keys, jumps in his chromed-out ESCALADE, and starts down the driveway. Elin chases him down the driveway with a golf club and busts out the back window. Tiger, trying to avoid her, drives directly into a tree, wakes up on the curb in his shorts and a t-shirt, and the rest is history.

Now, obviously...the fall-out has made Tiger look like the scum of the earth. Whores from all corners of the earth are smelling a PAY DAY and are confessing their alleged affairs with Tiger. Ultimately, Tiger cops to a couple of them, and the flood gates opened. Tiger became Public Enemy #1. What a bunch of SHIT. As a married man, yes, I'd have to pretty much say Tiger is a miserable failure in that department. But the abuse he's taken in the media is far too excessive. They're acting as if no one else has ever cheated before. Come on people. Athletes cheat. Politicians cheat. Produce Salespeople cheat. The whole god damned world cheats. Sure...there are many who don't, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. So Tiger is now the scapegoat for all of humanity. Half of the writers chastising him are more than likely married and probably getting hummers from their girlfriend while they hammer away on Tiger on their lap top. They've hated Tiger for years and now they're piling on. What a bunch of pussies!

Hey, we all make mistakes. Statistics say that almost half of married couples go through some sort of infidelity. Few of us ever stand to lose as much as Tiger has (financially, in particular), and it's time to let the guy be. I, for one, can't wait to see him back out of Tour making birdies and kicking the shit out of guys like Jesper Parnevik and Ben Crane, who have publicly denounced Woods.

I'll be at Pebble for the Open in June, and I'll be rooting like hell for Woods. And for the rest of you, whether you root for Tiger or some other Tour player, the chances are that you're rooting for a guy who CHEATED ON HIS WIFE.

Well, after an extended hiatus and some encouragement from those of you who give a shit, I've decided to start blogging again. Part of me actually does want to do it for personal reasons, such as keeping my writing skills sharp...but the main reason is I have a lot on my mind and no platform to vent...and I also just like to make people laugh from time to time. Life can get pretty dull if you're not careful, and this blog helps me relieve a little stress, talk a little shit, and generally just keep me occupied when I have some down time.

So...for those of you reading this, thanks for the encouragement to fire The Nation back up. It's good to back.

Much has transpired since my last blog. For starters, I'm married now. Andrea and I tied the knot last October. If you're wondering how I'm liking married life...the answer is that I love it. It feels good to have somebody who relies on you, loves you unconditionally, and isn't going anywhere. I feel like I signed a life contract for a perennial contender. Good shit.

But my guess is that you didn't log on to this blog to hear me ramble on about my personal life. Maybe 5 years ago you did...because I'd regale you with hilarious stories and sexual conquests that I had no business being involved in. But those days are over now, and my personal life isn't nearly as entertaining. Who gives a shit if the wife and I pulled the goalie right? So, these days most of my blogs will be about other people...and likely focus on issues such as sports, entertainment, alcohol, Salinas Valley gossip, my general opinion on anything and everything, and whatever the hell else comes to mind. I'll tell a few jokes from time to time, and hopefull PISS YOU OFF at some point. But hey...who gives a shit?

So...keep checking back. I plan to blog a couple times a week, time permitting, and I've got some good shit in store for you. Spread the word.